The Iceberg

I arrived back from Osaka a few days ago. It was my second trip to Osaka (and fifth to Japan), but the first involved cocktails and beer starting from about two hours before catching a bus at the Gangnam Bus Terminal on a Thursday morning and continuing until I checked out of my hotel on Sunday, so this trip to Osaka is the first one I can remember.

First off, when talking about the Japanese, people usually remark how modest and polite they are, but I discovered that they actually have really big heads.

The Japanese seem to be quite proud of their heads. They even have products that allow their heads to be seen in the dark. I stumbled across these in a store near Namba station.

In addition to glow-in-the-dark earrings, the store also carried a variety of costumes. Let’s say, for example, that you wanted to dress up as a voluptous woman for next Halloween. They’ve got you covered (or is it uncovered?).

For women who’ve already got the goods, the store provides a variety of other costumes. I think I’ve seen some of these in certain videos. I’m not sure though.

The Sailor Moon girl.

The pilot girl.

The traffic-cop(?) girl.

The police girl.

The cheerleader.

The nurse.

The French maid.

The schoolgirl.

The schoolgirl in gym uniform.

The Chinese Girl.

The playboy bunny (my personal favorite).

Hahaha. These costumes are quite funny, aren’t they? Surely no woman would actually consider buying them, would they?

Hmm. Gotta rethink moving to Japan.

No need to fret, men. There are plenty of outfits for you, as well.

The half-suit businessman.

The banana penis. (It can actually be peeled off!)

The spigot penis (I’m thinking about dressing up as a sink next Halloween.)

The puppy penis (I might have considered buying this if they had one that looked like a doberman pinscher…hehehe.)

For those of who like to travel in packs, we’ve got the “Pika Pika” costume. (I’m not sure who “Pika Pika” is, but I’m guessing he’s the Japanese equivalent of “Big Gay Al“.)

As most of you are aware, March 14th is White Day. While celebrated in Korea, the “holiday” actually originated in Japan. And they do it right, as you can see here.

Men, are you short of ideas of what to buy for your girl? How about a baby in a bottle?

Worried that might send the wrong message? Well, this is something that would make any girl more attractive. The beer hat (comes in draft or bottle).

Or you could always give her one of these.

I’m not going there.

Got no girl? This store has your back. The “Female Lap” cushion. Just turn on the TV, pop in a DVD, and lay your head back into your faux girl’s awaiting lap.

This got me thinking. No visit to Japan would be complete without the obligatory “upskirt” pic.

I stayed at the Hotel Plaza Osaka located in Yodogawa-gu. I have no idea how to explain where that is. All I know is it’s about a 20 to 25-minute taxi ride from Namba Station. It was a nice hotel. Clean. Plenty of restaurants. Free breakfast buffet. The room was, of course, small, but it beat staying in a capsule motel. My new employer paid for the room, but the front desk clerk told me that the standard rate was 8000 yen per night. Not bad for Japan.

There was a small entertainment area around the hotel, so I decided to take a look. The first thing I noticed is that there were quite a few “Korean-esque” things there. This store was selling Korean food and drinks.

There was even a Korean-themed hostess-type bar. At least that’s what I’m assuming it was.

“Hime” is apparently the Japanese word for “princess”.

I also walked around the Namba Station area which, for those of you who have never been to Osaka, is a big shopping and nightlife part of Osaka. It’s also where the Korean consulate is located.

I used to think Korea had a lot of funny signs in English, but after walking the streets of Japan I realized that Koreans have nothing on the Japanese in this department. Here is a sampling.

You can’t say they didn’t warn you.

All I ask is that the ingredients in my food are in good condition.

Get into a train and use a condom. (Of course, this only applies if you are the caboose.)

For the sex tourist on a budget.

I just don’t know what happened!!! I was scratching the kitty’s ears and the next thing I knew it was dead!!!

I think this is a German-themed S&M club.

Ladies, just can’t get enough groping on subways or at work? Well, Osaka’s got the club for you. (NOT worksafe)

Not everything you come across in Osaka is funny though. There are also some really cool things. For example, the ship in a building.

The Beast in its Cage.

Fire in a can.

Cool street lamps.

Bitchin’ cars.

Did I just use the word “bitchin”? Sorry about that.

Girls in uniform standing at the entrance to subway trains.

Building blocks that look like giant Rubic’s Cubes.

And a place VERY HIGH in potential.

As you can see, Osaka is place that you really ought to visit if you get the chance. And I didn’t even mention the all-you-can-eat lunch special at Shakey’s Pizza for only 700-something yen. And beer! Beer served with pizza! Imagine that. THIS is something Korea has to figure out.