The Iceberg

Inebriated partiers crowd around the stage to get a better view of the scantily clothed woman gyrating in front of them. Said woman shakes her hips, tosses her hair and spins around to the music thumping through the speakers. Her dance oozes sexuality. Suddenly, as the song approaches its end, the woman lifts her top over her head - exposing her cosmetic surgeon’s handiwork. (Job well done, Dr. Kim). As the audience expresses its approval, the woman – shirt in hand – glides off the stage. Another female contestant walks out; this time with partner in tow. The music starts up again and, unlike the previous dancer, the young couple waste little time disrobing. The man takes off his shirt and lies on the floor and the woman sits on top of him. They squirm around for a few seconds before the woman removes her shirt and bra. After another minute or so of simulated sex the woman stands up. She takes off her shorts and panties and again sits atop the man on the floor – this time in the position of, um, let’s just say it’s a certain number. You know it, the number that every overweight beer-guzzling first baseman in slow-pitch softball leagues wears. The woman removes her partner’s jeans and they proceed with their show. The crowd goes wild.

Sound like another wild night in Hongdae? Think again. This scene occurred in a Korean-style “booking” nightclub in the quiet little town of Yeosu last Friday night. And outside of myself and a co-worker, there was not a single Westerner to be found in the club.

Hongdae, you ain’t got nothin’ on Yeosu.

Here’s a peek at the evening. The video was taken stealthily so…don’t expect too much.

Here is some more footage of some (clothed) sexy dancing Friday night. This video is much clearer.

UPDATE: I should note that there was no orifice to orifice contact during the show. Also, I won’t mention the name of the club, because god knows I don’t want to take even the slightest risk of it being shut down. Viva la Booking Club!

According to this National Geographic story, South Korea aims to place a robot in every home by the year 2020. On the surface, this sounds like a good idea. Imagine a world of sexbots like the one in AI. What might this robot look like? Well, these are just preliminary models in need of a few enhancements, but chances are they will resemble something like the following:

The female model:

As for the male version, here are two prototypes:

The one on the left has had a little more detail work done on its face.

Ah, but do you smell something sinister in the air? If you read the article closely, you will notice a few points which ought to raise a few hairs on the back of your neck.

“South Korea intends to make robots full members of society.”

My interpretation: Is that stone-faced ajumma on the subway real or Memorex? You’ll never know - UNTIL YOUR DEAD!

“The new breed of ‘bots should be able to do everything from guiding museum visitors to teaching school children English.”

Bye, bye American (and Canadian) pie. The only thing left for most native English speakers will be to tour the museums. THEN THEY’LL HAVE YOU WHERE THEY WANT YOU!

“The South Korean Ministry of Information and Communication wants to use these existing robots as a platform for intelligent service robots by integrating network capabilities into them.”

Think about that. NETWORK CAPABILITIES! No big deal, you say? You’ll sing a different tune when a truck-full of robots start attacking your car as you’re driving down the freeway.

Perhaps you think I’m being too paranoid. If so, then have a gander at this quote from none other than the man who actually oversees the massive intelligence-service-robot project, Oh Sang-rok:

“If we (South Koreans) could show some killer applications with favorable business models…”

You need read no more. That’s the smoking gun right there, ladies and gentlemen.

They intend to kill us.

It seems the “foreign man dating Korean woman” issue has again reared its ugly head in the blogging world (and Korean media). The controversy began with this story at The Marmot’s Hole about an English teacher whose blog obviously demonstrates that he either lacks common sense or has overwhelming masochistic inclinations; and the follow-up post alleging that one of the commenters to the original post followed through on his threat to report the offending blog to the Korean media. Naturally, the comments have mostly diverged from the offending teacher and the snitch to issues of interracial dating (as mentioned earlier, mainly foreign men and Korean women), racism, and bigotry. No big surprise there.

Deep breath. Here’s my two-cents:

This morning, as I was leaving the love motel for breakfast, I noticed a Korean woman and a _______ man* checking in for a “short-timer”. It was 9:30 in the morning!!! Of particular fascination to me was that the woman held in her hand a soft-porn DVD. This young couple planned to make the most of their two hours. (It is two hours, isn’t it? I’ve never had the “short time” motel experience.)

*a) Western
b) Korean

Now, my question to you, dear reader(s) is:

Would your reaction to this scene be different depending on whether the man was “a” or “b”? Or would you even think about it at all? Personally, my impression would be (and was), “Wow! Fun times early in the morning,” regardless of his (or her) nationality/race. If your take on the man or woman’s morality, self-confidence, education, pride, etc., should differ in any way, shape, or form depending on “a” or “b”, then you’ve got issues. You know who you are. Enough said on that.

However, the fact of the matter is that - right or wrong - we in Korea live in a society where race does matter and it’s not going to change anytime soon. Therefore discretion is an absolute must. That I am writing this is perhaps ironic, as I often feel that I’m pushing the envelope a bit on my own blog. However, I think (hope) that I know where the line is and don’t cross it.

Concerning the aforementioned English teacher and his blog (which you now need a password to see). Did he do anything illegal? Apparently not. Can you find similar Korean sites? Of course - not to mention numerous Korean amateur videos circulating the Internet. Is he going to receive grief over his blog? No doubt. Is that f*cked up? Absolutely. But that’s the way it is. If he didn’t recognize the reality of the land where is is living, then he is incredibly ignorant. If he simply chose to thumb his nose at it, then he is a flat-out imbecile.

And the snitch is also remarkably naive concerning the Korean media if he expected to achieve something positive from his actions.

I just arrived in Seoul about an hour and a half ago and checked into a motel in Shinchon about fifteen minutes ago. Hoo boy! These motels have really improved over the past few years. For starters, I am typing this post from my room using free Internet access:

There is a nice double bed with quality beddings:

A large screen television (perfect for late-night World Cup viewing):

A jacuzzi-style bathtub:

And then there is this (I’m not sure what it is for):

It says 사랑만들기 on the machine. So it’s for those who - cue music - FEEL LIKE MAKIN’ LOVE!!! Let’s have a closer look. We’ve got the “special condom”:

Special indeed. No need to worry about tearing that baby. Might have to watch out for splinters though. In the next photo you will see on the left a combo condom/breathmint package and on the right a - cough, cough - “traditional” ring for men*.

Next we have “Climax - Oil of Love” on the left (in Korean it says “Edible Oil”) and on the right we have “Fem Fem - Hanil Quasi Drug” for women. I’m not even going to comment on that one.

Finally we have this:

Orgasm gel (on the right). When everything else fails.

All this can be yours for a mere 40,000 won a night. All that’s missing is a little Marvin Gaye.

*UPDATE: My bad. In my haste, I misread “진동” for “전통”. So rather than a “traditional” ring, it is a “vibrating” ring.

I was watching the Togo-Switzerland game with a Korean friend in a little Tudari (투다리) knock-off bar last night. I called the ajumma over to order two beers (500cc) and a plate of chicken nuggets. Now, my Korean is not perfect - there are some (large) holes in my vocabulary and I make the (more than) occassional grammatical error - but my strength is my pronunciation and fluency. However, the three or four times I said, “오백 두잔 하고 치킨 너겟 하나 주세요,” I was greeted by a puzzled look from the ajumma. I noticed that she didn’t even try to process what I had said. Finally my friend said exactly as I had and the ajumma nodded her head and scurried off to the kitchen. A few minutes later she returned with a heaping pile of chicken nuggets. There were enough to feed a dozen people. She told us that she wanted to give us “a few” extra because I was a foreigner.

This little anecdote is innocuous on the surface, but I think it perfectly represents my life here. Living as a foreigner in Korea is a confluence of aggravations and pleasant experiences. The aggravations are mostly small, such as occasionally encountering a Korean whose brain locks when they see a foreigner - rendering them unable to grasp the fact that I might actually be speaking Korean. But the trade-off is that, as a foreigner (perhaps because I’m white), I am often the beneficiary of extreme acts of generosity. Sometimes uncomfortably so. Still, there is most definitely a kind yin/yang effect to living in Korea and I try to let the positive experiences linger in my memory bank longer than the negative. It’s easier to carry a cheerful disposition that way. And really, who doesn’t want to be happy?

When I am asked the question, “What would you like to change about Korea?” I offer the most diplomatic answer I can think of - which is usually, “I wish, in their daily lives, Koreans would show each other the same level of kindness that they show me.” How nice would that be?

Thank god I’m on semi-vacation. At the time of this writing, I had rolled out of bed about two hours prior, actually woke up one hour prior, and started recalling the events of last night about five minutes prior. So here we go:

My co-worker and I arrived at the Wa Bar at around 9 pm last night. Remembering the line of people waiting outside of the bar at the last World Cup, I worried that we’d be unable to find a seat. My worries were unnecessary. The bar was only about half-full and we grabbed the same spot where we watched the previous night’s American debacle (oh yeah, and the Australia game too). I had mixed feelings about this. It was nice to possess such a prime location - facing the screen and right in front of the “beers in ice” - but I immediately sensed that this year’s World Cup atmosphere wasn’t going to rival that of 2002. A text message from a friend in Seoul saying, and I quote, “It’s fucking bonkers here. City Hall has been packed since 5.” had me once again questioning my decision to move to Yeosu. The mood in the bar was much like the mood overall in Yeosu, somewhat subdued. In 2002 I’d estimate that about 90% of the population was wearing red, but here the number was more like 20%. See for yourself:

I had some time to kill before the kickoff*, so I started digging through the ice to see what was available for consumption when I stumbled across this:

DNA in a bottle. I contemplated the ramifications of this and cursed Hwang Woo-suk, then decided that - despite my numerous flaws - I would stick with my own DNA and ordered a draft.

9:45. As game time approached the bar slowly started filling up and a few more patches of red appeared. More than a few smiles, but not a single Dae-Han-Min-Guk (DHMK) thus far. Perhaps the biggest surprise of the World Cup.

Game time. The bar was now nearly full. The only two remaining places were located directly across from me, which turned out to be serendipitous, for moments later two very lovely young ladies whom you will see in a moment strolled into the bar and occupied those very seats. Maybe Yeosu isn’t so bad after all.

Early in the game I remember thinking that it reminded me a lot of the U.S. game. Korea did well to control the ball but couldn’t create opportunities. The only difference was that they weren’t battling from behind early in the game. About twenty minutes in I turned to my friend and asked if there had been any shots on goal to that point. I think there hadn’t. The game was quite boring, frankly, and so were the patrons in the bar. No shrieks from girls whenever a Korean defender cleared the ball. Only one feeble attempt by some girls near the television to start a DHMK chant. And no looks from the girls in front of me.

Damn!

Togo scored their goal around the thirtieth minute. The mood in the bar shifted from complacency to anxiety. At least now there was some sort of energy. I could sense things starting to build up by the time halftime rolled around. Ah yes. Halftime. That is when the night truly began. The most boisterous individual of a group of nice chaps sitting near us (and next to the two girls) decided it was time to liven up the crowd, “Everybody!!! We need to give power to our team! One, two, three, let’s go! DAE-HAN-MIN-GUK!!!” There it was. The crowd came alive. Nothing like nerves and alcohol to stir the emotions. Better yet, the two girls finally turned away from the television and we made eye contact. One of them - I’d describe her as a poor man’s Jeon Ji-hyun - smiled and I could see she was mustering up the courage to say something. You all know that look. The “prepare the word order, I can do it, it’s going to be so fun, here it comes, one-two-three SPEAK” look. Sure enough, she did it. “Hi! What’s your name? Where are you from?” BINGO!

As the second half rolled around, I suggested to our new male friends that we all knock back a 500cc glass of beer should Korea score a goal. They were keen, and so were the two girls. “We can do it too,” they pronounced. Fair enough. I wasn’t going to argue with them. Here is a photo of my new World Cup viewing partners (sans Jeon Ji-hyun, I’ll explain her absence later.)

Ahn Jung-hwan entered the game at the start of the second half and I made the unfortunate discovery that a friend of mine has a very unhealthy man-crush on him. “That’s my boy,” he announced, “he was the man in 2002 and he’s going to get it done.” It turns out he was right. Everyone’s favorite cabbage patch doll (Lee Chun-soo) got off a nice strike following a foul and … GOALLLLLLLLLLLL! I was ready to down my glass of beer but our spirit manager had a grander idea:

(Click photo for video)**

Translation: Everyone! Let’s all raise our glasses!

I liked this guy. A few minutes later he stood up again and shouted, “Everyone! These foreigners here are not even Korean, yet they came here wearing red clothing in support of our team. Let’s all drink in their honor!”

At this point the atmosphere was rocking. As an added bonus, the owner of the bar got caught up in the moment and offered everyone a free bottle of Budweiser for each Korean goal. S-WEET! I decided to capture the mood on video for all of you to see. (Okay, I’ll admit, I wanted to capture my two new female friends as well, but I honestly was trying to capture the mood. Straying from the subject for a moment, one of the funny things about filming with a digital camera is that people think you are taking a photo. That was the case here.)

(Click photo for video)**

Soon after, Korea scored the go-ahead goal and it just got even crazier. The only downer of the evening was that Jeon Ji-hyun’s boyfriend rocked in with about ten minutes remaining in the game. But even that may turn into a positive, as his insistent pouting over something led to a fight with Jeon Ji-hyun and they ended up storming out of the bar. With any luck, she’ll be free for the next game.

My new friends and I stuck around for the first half of the France-Switzerland game. I decided at halftime to wander the streets and soak up the mood. It was a good decision. Every block or so I had people running up to me offering me cans of beer, candy, jerky, and more. My co-worker had left with his friend after the Korea game for another bar. I called to find out where he was and told him to come outside to meet me. While I was waiting for him, another group of friendly strangers started talking to me. They were seated outside of a small restaurant watching the second game. They offered my friend and I chairs and we sat down and watched the rest of the game with them. After the game we all went to a noraebang (singing room). All said, it was a great night. One peculiar thing I noticed, though, is that as the night wears on and the drinking persists, it seems to take a toll on certain individuals’ capacity to make a “V” for photos. Have a look:

A lot of people complain about the overzealousness of Korean fans during the World Cup. Admittedly, “DHMK” and “Oh, pilsung Korea” can grow tiring real quick when they’re being sung over and over two years after the fact. But my advice during the World Cup is: Embrace the mood. Plunge headfirst into the River of Red and let the current take you where it may. It’s quite a fun experience.

*To my non-North American reader(s), is this term appropriate?
**For some reason, the video is choppy and the final second or two is cut off when you play it for the first time. (At least on my computer.) Just close the window and open it again to see it all.

When the Los Angeles Dodgers met the Colorado Rockies today (Monday night in the U.S.), it marked the first time in major league history that two Korean-born starting pitchers faced each other in the same game.  Jay Seo of the Dodgers outpitched Byung-hyun Kim of the Rockies as L.A. took the game 6-1.  Read more about it at ESPN.com, if you wish.

I’m going on a 회식 tonight. It’s going to be great! I plan on getting shit-faced drunk and telling my boss that he’s a big pile of dung and then pretending none of it happened at work on Monday. Oh yeah!!!

(My boss is not really a big pile of dung. I’m just kidding.)

The Iceberg’s version of “Where’s Waldo?”.  Search, uh, diligently.

My friend asked me to videotape his daughter’s birthday party this afternoon.  Contrary to what the video (click the photo) might suggest, the kids were well-behaved and I had a nice time.  The children, who are first graders, even treated me to these gems:

Child A: Are you Korean or a foreigner?
Me: What do I look like?
Child A: You look Korean.
(If you’ve ever seen me, you’d know how funny that comment is.)

Child B: What’s your name?
Me: My name is Scott.
Child C: What’s your Korean name?
Me: My Korean name is Seo Jin-woo.
Child B (to the other children): Hey! His real name is Seo Jin-woo!

I also noticed that Korean children start “V-ing” at a very early age.