The Iceberg

Anyang Andres 47 ORGBOB 41

Just a quick update on the progress of the Anyang Andres fantasy football team (since I know everyone’s dying to know).

After rolling to a 9-1 record, the Andres stumbled a bit down the stretch, losing three of their final four games (though there were no stinker performances in any of the games) to finish the regular season at 10-4.  That record was good enough for the top seed and a first-round bye in the playoffs.  Last weekend Anyang took out the Wonju Wobblers 62-50 in the semi-finals.  This weekend they face Oh Roh Gi Boong Oh Baang (what a mouthful) for the Hines Ward trophy.  Andre is looking to exact a little revenge, as ORGBOB gave the team its second loss of the season in week 11 (96-74).

Matters of concern:  How much will Romo play now that the Cowboys have clinched home field advantage?  (Damn you, Favre).  Can Adrian Peterson get back on track?  Will Phillip Rivers ever pull his head out of his ass and realize that Antonio Gates is the best tight end in the NFL?  Will the coach of the Rams punish Torry Holt for bitching him out in last week’s game?  These questions and more will be answered this weekend.

My prediction:  Anyang Andres 88  ORGBOB  72

Riding the efforts of rookie running back Adrian Peterson, Anyang made its strongest statement of the season, stepping up to lay one on the defending champion BuPyeong Silverbacks, 84-54.  Peterson set a new NFL record for rushing yards in a single game with 296 and, more importantly, his 37 points broke the IKKFL record that he set just three weeks ago.

Jump back approximately two and a half months ago.  Peterson was an unproven Minnesota Vikings rookie projected to split carries with teammate Chester Taylor.  No one could have imagined when the Andres selected him in the seventh round that he would have such an impact on the league.  No one except Bossman Andre, that is.  His top two priorities for the season were to pick up Romo (for obvious reasons) and Peterson.  In fact, the first words out of Bossman Andre’s mouth as he thoroughly inspected each and every player at the pre-draft combine were, “What exactly do these fellows with the tight buttocks do?,” followed by, “That handsome young man in the lovely violet pullover, we need to get him.  He is special - though he’d look even better in fuchsia and fandango.”  How right he turned out to be.

The Andres now possess a comfortable three-game lead in their division with five games remaining.

Here are this week’s IKKFL standings:

BAEKCHE DIVISION                                   W   L   T   PF   PA   GB
Anyang Andres                                          8   1   0   661   503   -
Hwayang Wangjabyungs                            5   4   0   523   521   3
BuPyeong Silverbacks                                 4   5   0   568   540   4
Songpa Olympians                                      4   5   0   518   552   4

SHILLA DIVISION
Busan Power Outage                                  5   3   1   510   545   -
Ansan Blue Poo                                           4   4   1   592   522   1
Wonju Wobblers                                         4   5   0   599   598   1.5
Hahoe Mask Drama                                     3   6   0   482   533   2.5

GOGURYEO DIVISION
Gangnam Georiae Namjas                           6   3   0   578   517   -
Oh Roh Gi Boong Oh Baang                         5   4   0   621   581   1
Itaewon Sweet Life                                     4   5   0   526   579   2
Songdo City Galbitangs                               1   8   0   452   643   5

Next week is the match-up that Andre has been waiting for as the Georiae Namjas come to town.  When Bossman is through with them, they’ll never be the same again.  Andre likes freshly-squeezed Orange juice.

The Andres recovered from their first loss of the season last week to deliver a beating to the Konkuk Blood Mages so severe that it knocked them from the league.  Okay, okay, the owner of the Mages was replaced by the league president because he hadn’t updated his line-up for two weeks running, but the 72-20 whupping had to have something to do with it, right?

The victory gets the Andres off to a good start to the second half of the season.  Currently sitting on top of their division with a 7-1 record, Bossman Andre is looking down his nose at next week’s opponent, the defending IKKFL champion and Andres’ division rival BuPyeong Silverbacks.  But you can’t say you’re the best until you’ve beaten the best.

At least that’s what Bossman Andre says.

Here are this week’s IKKFL standings:

BAEKCHE DIVISION                             W   L   T   PF   PA   GB
Anyang Andres                                  7   1   0   580  449   -
BuPyeong Silverbacks                         5   3   0   514   457   2
Konkuk Blood Mages                           4   4   0   471   498   3
Hwayang Wangjabyungs                    3   5   0   467   474   4

SHILLA DIVSION
Busan Power Outage                          5   2   1   445   462   -
Wonju Wobblers                                 4   4   0   516   513   1.5
Ansan Blue Poo                                   3   4   1   521   449   2
Hahoe Mask Drama                             2   6   0   428   504   3.5

GOGURYEO DIVISION
Gangnam Georiae Namjas                   6   2   0   505   442   -
Oh Roh Gi Boong Oh Baang                 4   4   0   538   516   2
Itaewon Sweet Life                             3   5   0   441   496   3
Songdo City Galbitangs                       1   7   0   412   589   5

There’s an old saying that goes, “If you come out of Itaewon standing up, then you never really were in Itaewon.”

Okay, I just made that up, but it applies here as the Anyang Andres pranced into Itaewon only to be handed their first defeat of the season, falling 71-53 to the Sweet Life.

Looking at the big picture, the loss was not too damaging as the Andres still have a two-game lead over division rivals BuPyeong and Konkuk, both of whom also lost.  But Bossman Andre is not too happy.  Noting that the defeat felt like, “being kidnapped by Park Chung Hee’s henchmen from the Korea Central Intelligence Agency, blindfolded and put on a boat, then tied down to a cross-shaped wooden board while his capturers debated ways to sink the boat*,” a nonplussed Andre said,

“Iceberg likely wouldn’t return as coach unless Anyang reaches the IKKFL championship game for the first time in three years ever.

“His job is on the line,” the owner was quoted in Sunday’s editions of The Record of Anyang. “I think we’re paying him a lot of money. He’s the highest-paid manager in fantasy football, so I don’t think we’d take him back if we don’t win this league.”

Asked for a response, Iceberg replied,

“You’re not surprised by whatever comes down the pike,” Iceberg said. “You don’t always get used to it, but you understand if you want to work here - and there’s a great deal of upside to working here - that there are certain things you have to deal with. We’ve had ultimatums during the season, early in the season. This obviously is down to a game we need to win, and you’d like to believe everybody’s trying to pull in the same direction.”

My greatest regret concerning the loss was not starting the Seahawks defense.  Their 22-point effort would have put the Andres on top.  That’s what I get for not sticking with my team.

Still, the league has reached its midway point and if you asked me at the beginning of the season if I would have taken a 6-1 record I would have answered, “I guess so.”

Overall, I’m satisfied with the performance of my team, but there are a few questions heading into the second half of the season.  They are:

Will Tony Romo escape his funk of the past three weeks?
Can Adrian Peterson keep up his remarkable pace?
Can frickin’ Kurt Warner hold onto the ball enough for Edgerrin James to get his carries?
Will Andre Johnson come back one-hundred percent from his injury?
Will Torry Holt be able to continue to ignore the disappointment of playing for a truly crap team (the Rams) and put up solid performances?  Or will he say, “Screw it!  I’m just gonna have another knee surgery!” and be done with it?
Will the Seahawks defense ever discover its true identity?

The answers to these questions are waiting in the second half of the season.

This week’s IKKFL standings:

BAEKCHE DIVISION                            W   L   T   PF   PA   GB
Anyang Andres                                   6   1   0   508   432   -
BuPyeong Silverbacks                          4   3   0   456   397   2
Konkuk Blood Mages                            4   3   0   454   426   2
Hwayng Wangjabyungs                       3   4   0   407   416   3

SHILLA DIVISION
Busan Power Outage                           4   2   1   381   402   -
Ansan Blue Poo                                    3   3   1   457   380   1
Wonju Wobblers                                  3   4   0   424   466   1.5
Hahoe Mask Drama                              2   5   0   378   427   2.5

GOGURYEO DIVISION
Gangnam Georiae Namjas                   6   1   0   445   378   -
Oh Roh Gi Boong Oh Baang                 3   4   0   469   452   3
Itaewon Sweet Life                             2   5   0   364   446   4
Songdo City Galbitangs                       1   6   0   376   497   5

Next week’s opponent:  The Andres craft war versus the Konkuk Blood Mages.  (Had to look up what a Blood Mage was.  Not a big gamer.) 

*More on that story here.

With some dadaegi tossed in to spice it up a bit.  Mmmm.  Delicious.

Sorry.  Got distracted for a minute.

Led by Adrian Peterson’s monster day (36 points on 361 total yards and 3 TDs…not bad for a seventh-round draft pick), the Andres took out the Songdo City Galbitangs and cruised to their sixth straight victory.  When informed that the team is now 6-0 and that Peterson set a new league record for points in a week (not sure if it’s true, but that’s what we told him anyway), Bossman Andre was so giddy that he pranced around the room asking someone to pinch him.  He didn’t mention anything about seeing if he was dreaming.  He just wanted to be pinched.

This weekend the team moseys up to Itaewon to take on the Sweet Life.  As you might imagine, Andre is looking forward to this trip.  He’s somewhat perplexed as to why the 1-5 Sweet Life are favored to win, but he’s got more important things on his mind.  He plans to hold a victory party at Our Place after the game.  Life will certainly be sweet for our Andre.

Here are the latest IKKFL standings:

BAEKCHE DIVISION                         W   L   T   PF   PA   GB
Anyang Andres                                6   0   0   455   364   -
BuPyeong Silverbacks                       4   2   0   411   338   2
Konkuk Blood Mages                         4   2   0   401   337   2
Hwayang Wangjabyungs                  2   4   0   325   350   4

SHILLA DIVISION
Busan Power Outage                        3   2   1   325   362   -
Wonju Wobblers                               3   3   0   368   378   0.5
Ansan Blue Poo                                 2   3   1   369   324   1
Hahoe Mask Drama                           2   4   0   338   371   1.5

GOGURYEO DIVISION
Gangnam Georiae Namjas                5   1   0   386   333   -
Oh Roh Gi Boong Oh Baang              2   4   0   380   399   3
Songdo City Galbitangs                    1   5   0   310   415   4
Itaewon Sweet Life                          1   5   0   296   393   4

P.S. - I forgot to mention last week that our league has an award for the last remaining undefeated team.  The name of the award?  “Last Man Standing”.  Andre is the last man standing.  Oh, the irony.

It appears Andre had his gown and glass slippers made to fit ’cause he’s havin’ a ball and midnight just ain’t a comin’.  Trailing 52-50 to the Hahoe Mask Drama going into the Monday night game with Tony Romo still on tap, it appeared the Andres would win going away.  But my fantasy football quarterbacks have a bit of history with Monday night games and it looked for a long while as though Romo was trying to outdo (underdo?) Rex Grossman.  But in the end he overcame his Grossmanian performance (5 interceptions, 1 fumble, minus 5 points at one point) and rallied his troops (the Andres, I mean) to victory - throwing a touchdown pass with 20 seconds left to lead the Andres to an, um, dramatic 56-52 victory.

Oh yeah, the Cowboys won their game on a 53-yard field goal with no time left on the clock.  Big deal.

Go ahead and laugh if you wish, but fantasy football has never been more interesting than it was today.  Thanks to ESPN’s live “FantasyCast” scoreboard (and an early finish to work thanks to mid-term week at the high school), I was able to follow the progression of the (fantasy) game as the Cowboys made their late drive.  The Andres were down by three when Dallas started the drive with 3:45 remaining on the clock.  As Romo moved the Cowboys down the field, he picked up enough points to allow the Andres to tie the game.  The problem was, with the ball winding up at the 4-yard line, he couldn’t pick up enough yards to gain any more points.  He needed to throw a touchdown pass.  And that’s what he did.

After the touchdown, I was hoping that Dallas wouldn’t convert the two-point conversion to tie their game because I was worried that Romo would lose the Andres’ winning margin in overtime.  He did commit six turnovers, after all.  They did indeed fail on the conversion, but after recovering the onside kick that followed, I had to sweat through an excruciating final twenty seconds.  I was almost certain that Romo would take a sack and fumble, thus resulting in minus three points*.  But it didn’t happen…because this year is special.

Meanwhile, while my team’s game was unfolding, there were two other games that went down to the wire; and each involved the Andres’ division rivals, which made it doubly exciting.  In the first, the Blood Mages had a five-point advantage over the Blue Poo heading into the game but were trailing by one on the touchdown drive.  They were one Jason Witten fumble from taking over the lead.  Alas, it was not to be as Witten tacked on 25 more yards and three points as the Poo slipped away from the Mages 43-39 for their first win of the year and the Mages’ first loss (leaving the Andres as the ONLY UNDEFEATED TEAM REMAINING).  In the other game, the Silverbacks trailed the Power Outage by four when the touchdown drive began but had the potential of more points from Marion Barber.  Barber did his best - gaining 25 yards receiving and eight rushing, but could only muster two points to cut the Outage’s lead in half.  Cowboy kicker Nick Folk’s field goal as time ran out pushed Busan’s margin of victory to four as the Power Outage upset the ‘backs 45-41.  So both of the Andres’ division rivals lost.  Hehehe.

Next week the league doormat Songdo City Galbitangs are on the menu**.  Mmm.  Andre likes galbitang.

Here are the IKKFL standings after week five:

BAEKCHE DIVISION                                W  L  T    PF   PA   GB
Anyang Andres                                      5  0  0  382  307  -
Konkuk Blood Mages                               4  1  0  350  273  1
BuPyeong Silverbacks                             3  2  0  320  252  2
Hwayang Wangjabyungs                        1  4  0  268  313  4

SHILLA DIVISION
Wonju Wobblers                                      3  2  0  340  324  -
Busan Power Outage                               2  2  1  272  334  0.5
Hahoe Mask Drama                                  2  3  0  314  291  1
Ansan Blue Poo                                        1  3  1  289  300  1.5

GOGURYEO DIVISION
Gangnam Georiae Namjas                       4  1  0  322  282  -
Oh Roh Gi Boong Oh Baang                     2  3  0  293  308  2
Itaewon Sweet Life                                  1  4  0  259  336  3
Songdo City Galbitangs                            1  4  0  253  342  3

*I had a three-point lead at the time.  Romo gained one more point after the onside kick.  Thus the four-point margin of victory.
**The Andres are early 41-point favorites.  That is both eerie and unsettling.  USC was a 41-point favorite over Stanford.  We all know how that one turned out.

Anyang’s incredible start to the 2007 IKKFL* season just keeps getting better.  The Andres rode Tony Romo (down Andre, DOWN!) and the Seahawks defense to a 79-60 victory over the Wonju Wobblers.  The 79 points were a league high for week four as Anyang improved their record to a perfect 4-0.

The Andres are hoping to have Andre Johnson back next week as they tackle Phillip Rivers (I said DOWN Andre!) and the Hahoe Mask Drama.  Andre thinks Hahoe’s masks have got nothing on his precious mug.

IKKFL Standings

BAEKCHE                         W  L  T  PF  PA  GB
Anyang Andres               4  0  0  329  255  -
Konkuk Blood Mages       4  0  0  311  233  -
BuPyeong Silverbacks     3  1  0  279  210  1
Hwayang Wangjabyungs 1  3  0  238  256  3

SHILLA
Wonju Wobblers               2  2  0  283  294  -
Hahoe Mask Drama         2  2  0  262  238  -
Busan Power Outage       1  2  1  230  293  .5
Ansan Blue Poo                 0  3  1  249  261  1.5

GOGURYEO
Gangnam Georiae Namjas   3  1  0  253  235  -
Oh Roh Gi Boong Oh Baang  1  3  0  222  257  2
Itaewon Sweet Life                1  3  0  212  267  2
Songdo City Galbitangs         1  3  0  202  271  2

*Inter Korean Kluster (Fantasy) Football League

Time to break out an old cliche. Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good. Led by Adrian Peterson (15 pts.), Tony Romo (14), and the 3-point homefield advantage, the Andres survived for their third straight win to open the season, a 61-59 victory over the Hwayang Wangjabyungs. It’s the latest stunning result for the Cinderella Andres (oooh, “Cinderella Andres“…bossman Andre likes). Last year, the Andres didn’t collect their third win until the eighth week of the season.

The 61 points were only the eighth-highest in the twelve-team IKKFL this week, but a win is a win. Sitting at the opposite end of the luck spectrum last weekend were the Hahoe Mask Drama, who scored the second-highest number of points with 88, but had the misfortune of playing the team that scored the most - the Wonju Wobblers (who had 90 points…including the 3-point homefield edge). Hahahaha! That’s rough. Wonju will need a similar performance to have a chance as the Andres expect to be back in form when they visit the Wobblers next weekend.

Going into last weekend, I looked over the defensive match-ups for some of my players (Romo vs. Chicago, James vs. Baltimore, Walker vs. Jacksonville, Gates vs. Green Bay, Holt and Wilkins vs. Tampa Bay) and suspected that points would be hard to come by. I was right - points were hard to come by - but not because of the defenses. Romo and Gates (11 pts.) did just fine and Holt (6 pts.) overcame as well as he could a horrific performance by his quarterback. James also scored six points from ten receiving yards and 57 yards rushing. The thing is, he got his 57 yards on only ten carries! He broke a 33-yard run on his first carry of the game and then only got the ball nine more times. What’s up with that Whisenheimer??? And Walker? One point from ten yards receiving. And only two catches? C’mon Jay (Cutler)!!! On behalf of Edge and Javon, I shall quote Terrell Owens: Just give them the damn ball! To Wilkins (zero points, two missed fgs) and the Carolina Panthers defense (only one sack, five points versus Atlanta), I will say this: You’re treading on thin ice. Bossman Andre is frowning.

Here are the IKKFL standings after three weeks:

BAEKCHE DIVISION (W-L-T GB PF PA)
Anyang Andres 3-0-0 - 250 198
Konkuk Blood Mages 3-0-0 - 248 187
BuPyeong Silverbacks 2-1-0 1 218 158
Hwayang Wangjabyungs 1-2-0 2 200 203

SHILLA DIVISION
Wonju Wobblers 2-1-0 - 226 215
Busan Power Outage 1-1-1 .5 184 230
Hahoe Mask Drama 1-2-0 1 209 200
Ansan Blue Poo 0-2-1 1.5 197 200

GOGURYEO DIVISION
Gangnam Georiae Namjas 2-1-0 - 200 205
Oh Roh Gi Boong Oh Baang 1-2-0 1 179 194
Songdo City Galbitangs 1-2-0 1 172 218
Itaewon Sweet Life 0-3-0 2 149 224

The Anyang Andres improved to 2-0 last weekend with an 84-80 win over the Ansan Blue Poo. Number Two Andre* (Johnson) of the Houston Texans led a balanced attack with 18 points. The bad news is that he sprained his posterior cruciate ligament and is doubtful for next weekend. The good news is the Andres are deeper than Barry White’s pillow talk voice at wide receiver. Javon Walker of the Broncos is ready to come off the bench and fill in for Johnson.

After two weeks, three teams remain undefeated. Unfortunately, they are all in the same (Baekchae) division. I’m not worried though. Anyang still leads the league in points with 192** (29 more than the next best team). And this is the year of the Andre. (Actually, it’s the year of the pig (NSFW), but that’s close enough.)

The Andres’ next foe: the Hwayang Wangjabyungs. When Andre is through with them, they’ll be known as the Hwayang Byungari.

*Number One of course being Bossman Andre Kim.

**If you happened to read the previous Anyang Andres post, you may be thinking that 111 plus 84 equals 195 - and you’d be right. But three of the 111 points the first week came courtesy of “home field advantage” and are not calculated into total points.